frick

Yesterday, I am sorry to say, was a horrible day. Mainly because I was out-of-control irritable and moody. Our house that needed and needs to be cleaned so desperately sent me into horrible fits of sobbing and nothing my sweet husband did would help. No matter how hard he tried, I made him suffer, which I am not bragging about. It is incredibly embarrassing to even think about and I don't know why he didn't hop in the car yesterday and drive away forever. I was horrid.

The house is dirty and not necessarily because we are slobs but because our cats are and I do not have enough energy at the end of every day to vacuum the corners of the hall where their hair seems to accumulate. It's been too long since we have mopped and dusted and washed windows and yesterday was so overwhelming. Instead of just trying to clean what needed to be done, all I wanted to do was fix all of the problems with our house. There is no quarter round in our office people! Just unfinished baseboard and I couldn't stand it. Every time I got close enough to sweep around it, I broke out into sobs again thinking about how trashy it looked. And then I would look up and see the ceiling drooping and the tears would keep pouring. I hated our house yesterday. There was more to do than not and I wanted to pack everything up and leave. All I could see were the imperfections, which are still glaring at me today, and I wanted nothing to do with this house. I am hoping this phase will pass as I can't afford to take care of everything I want to. Leaving this post still frustrated.