fear of failure, fear of people

So after a fabulous hair cut at my favorite salon with my favorite stylist this morning, cleaning the house seems like a disgusting chore. Note to self: do not go pamper yourself first thing Saturday morning, you will ruin whatever else you had to do that day. Everything will pale in comparison. I also ran to Babies R Us to get a gift for a friend from my church class who had twin baby girls. Everything is more expensive when you have two of them! I still need to get my eye brows waxed, go to the grocery store and of course....clean the house.

But instead of cleaning the house, I've been sitting here thinking about the ridiculous things I am afraid of. One of the many art classes I had to take in college worked very hard to get you to overcome certain fears. Mainly, fear of failure and fear of people. I don't seem to have fear regarding my work any more. The class did its job I suppose. I have no problem letting people see my designs or my photos or my art. But other things terrify me. For example, on my list of 100 things to do, I have "drive a sea-doo". Why is that on my list of 100 things to do you ask? I agree that it seems like a ridiculous item to include on a life list but I am scared to drive one. I did not grow up on or near a lake and when my family did make the rare trip to the lake we were on a friend's boat. We never knew anyone that had sea-doos. Right after graduating from high school I heard my family talking about an extended cousin who had just gotten married and while on her honeymoon in Mexico, her and her new husband decided to rent and ride a sea-doo together. The sea-doo flipped and they both died. ON THEIR HONEYMOON. IN MEXICO. I cried. I didn't even know this girl, but oh did I freak out. Now that I have married into a lake family and community - wherever one lives on the lake or goes to the lake all the time - I am constantly trying to find excuses for not driving a sea-doo. I ALWAYS ride with Paul. ALWAYS. I had a great excuse last year when my friend Betsy came to Michigan with us and there were only two to drive. Betsy got one and Paul and I got the other...but that isn't always the case. Is this not one of the most ridiculous fears you have ever heard of? Well, we are going to Michigan in September and I am going to make Paul teach me how to drive one and then I am going to do it.

The next fear I have come to realize I have over the past few days is my fear in learning a new sport. Like golf. I want to play golf. I really would like to be able to go out with Paul on a Saturday morning and know what I was doing. More than that, I want my own set of clubs and cute golf shoes and clothes. Well, Paul offered to take me to the driving range last night to teach me how to hit a ball. I got super nervous and backed out and we went out for dinner and went shopping instead. I was so sure that I was going to miss hitting the ball and everyone at the range would laugh at me and I would feel ridiculous. My arm muscles were quivering thinking about it. They are quivering right now! I need to get it together. I just want to be at a course or a range with just Paul and learn without anyone around. Maybe I should add learning to play golf onto my next list of things to accomplish...

I know there are tons of other things I am afraid of doing but those have been the most recent two to show up. I also am aware of how ridiculous these are.