"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

Lately, I've been thinking about my relationship with Addison and what it is now and what it will be in the future. Currently, I don't have a strong passionate need to keep her safe from emotional harm, because really, no one can harm her with crappy comments or hurtful things yet. I have a desire to protect her phyiscally, but not emotionally yet.

Last night I talked to my brother on the phone for quite awhile and after our conversation ended and it was time for me to crawl into bed my head was spinning and I wasn't even remotely tired. I had a memory running through my mind that I couldn't get rid of.

When we were kids we rode the bus to our elementary school. We we're one of the last pick ups so it wasn't too shabby of a deal because we were never on the bus for more than five minutes. I believe I was in fifth grade and Keith was in second the morning that my memory is from. We boarded the bus as usual and started walking to find seats. We walked by a girl who was in the sixth grade and was a brutal bully. We're talking, absolutely, positively brutal. She went to our church and we knew her outside of school and I HATED her guts. I was terrifed of her. I mean, I think adults were even scared of Joie. Have I conveyed how much I hated her? Well, as we walked by, Joie, as loud as she could, screamed, "Look! It's Christa and her brother Dumbo! Look at those huge ears!" Of course the entire bus erupted in laughter. It was the longest five minute ride of my life. I wasn't embarrassed, I was furious.

I had never felt such a rage towards someone before. You would have thought that my little, scrawny ten year old body had erupted into that of the Hulk. I wanted to crawl over the seats, grab her by her long blond pony tail and make her pay (with as much physical pain as possible) for making my brother feel bad about himself. How dare she?!

I don't know if Keith even remembers this or not. But as I was laying in bed last night, I still had the same anger and hurt balled up inside of me about the event. I think I could still physically hurt her for that morning that happened almost fifteen years ago. I stalked Joie on Facebook from my phone while I was trying to fall asleep to see where she was at, what she was doing and so on. And without totally bashing her, let's just say the Willson kids are living a MUCH better life. I believe in a little bit of Karma.

I've had these unbelievable chest pains/anger bursts about situations that have come up with my dad and Paul too.

I wanted to punch an 80 year old woman in the jugular a few months ago for bad mouthing my dad and not thinking that he would hear about it. He heard about it. And so did I and I about went through the roof.

And before I even knew Paul, back in the day, his high school friends stood him up and he ended up sitting through a movie by himself. Alone. In the dark. He is friends with most of these people still today and I like them all, mostly, but talk about an anger I have buried inside of me. There are times I've wanted to pop off some nasty remark about how crappy of people they are for that one moment.

I've hurt for my mom before, but have never felt like I needed to do something about it. She takes care of herself and quite well might I add. She doesn't let people walk on her (not that my dad, Keith or Paul do. I just have some kind of protection reflex for them).

So I know this will come for Addison. I know that the physical protection I already feel that I need to provide for her will morph into an emotional one when we get to the stage. But it'll probably be 1000 times more intense.

This is your heads up people. If your kid hurts my kid, lock your deadbolt.