everyday defining moments

Last night I had one of those, “this is your life,” kind of moments.


I don’t find those moments daunting or bad. In fact, I rather enjoy them.

The only other one I remember vividly happened a few years ago (ok, ok, maybe 6-1/2 years ago) when I was driving to work. It was December, freezing and dark. I was a freshman in college and I was driving down Bryant St. listening to the new Death Cab for Cutie album when it hit me. “You are a college kid.” Everything about that moment for some reason personified what I had expected college to be like and I had arrived.

Last night after we had put Addison down for bed I had an urge to scrub down the kitchen. So in I went, bleaching counters, polishing marble, scrubbing the sink, dusting, loading the dishwasher, etc. I was a machine.

Side note: If you have a black shirt you’ve been wearing a lot lately and you are wondering if you look as good in it as you think, accidently dousing yourself in a bleach/water solution while wearing it and cleaning is probably a sign from God that in fact you don’t look very good in it. I’m not sure if it is ruined or not. If not, I’m taking that as a sign that it does look OK.

Paul had just gotten finished with folding the towels and was relaxing on the couch watching some television when I looked up from the sink and saw my reflection in the window. We we’re a family. We’d had dinner together, looked over our budget for the month, played together, put our daughter down for bed and then we went about doing what families do to prepare for the next day. I loved it.

Sometime last year, the girls in my bible class had a bible study and Tara, the one leading it, had asked us to think of three moments that defined who we were. Only three. I thought all day long about them and my first thoughts were things like my wedding day, graduating with my degree, etc.

But the longer I thought about it, even though those events and moments were big, they weren’t necessarily defining.

My marriage was not defined by the day that Paul and I said I do. Even though that meant that we were married, it had nothing to do with what marriage was about for us. What defined me us as a married couple was our experience in the Dominican Republic when we lost a baby and I had to have a D&C in a foreign developing country. We rocked as a married couple.

None of the actual experience had anything to do with the bible study actually, it was taken a different direction which was really cool but all of that was to say that what some people would consider everyday life or circumstantial moments are what define me.

The day we had Addison changed our lives forever. Yes, we became a family that day and it meant the world to us.

But last night, scrubbing my kitchen in my 97 year old house, while my husband watched some television and my daughter slept soundly in her room, we were blowing being a family right out of the water.