And the award for best supporting actress goes to:

Unfortunately, me. And I know what you’re thinking…in a marriage that’s a great thing, to be a supporter. But that isn’t what I am talking about here.

I don’t deserve the best supporting actress award in our marriage but rather in my role as the supporter. Which bites.

This morning as I was getting ready for work I started to reflect on the roles that Paul and I play in our marriage. Most of the roles that we have assumed came about while I was still a full time student with a part time job. When Paul and I got married, I was working two days during the week, had class on the other three days (and in the evenings of the days I worked) and worked on Saturdays. Paul kept the house picked up and did the laundry. I cooked dinner three nights a week but only when I didn’t have homework. The nights that I did have homework, Paul did the cooking. Paul also paid the bills and took care of the yard. My job was to graduate. Ladies, are you drooling? My husband did it all.

It’s three and half years later and I have graduated and I have a grown-up job but things at home are very much the same. Paul still does it all (including the laundry, we share the cooking but it is still mostly him, he still pays the bills and takes care of the yard). The housework? Well, we’ve both let that slide.

Last night, I had to start defensive driving online. Paul made dinner (because I obviously couldn't do both). Then this morning, as I was getting ready (after he woke me up), Paul got my cereal for me, he got my food prepped for Ronald McDonald House tonight and was still out the door and to the office by 8:00 am. I turned off my alarm, slept in, let him come and get me out of bed and then let him get my breakfast for me and organize the things I would need for the day. And I was barely at the office before 8:05 am (and that was pretty amazing itself).

At work I thrive in organization and schedules and being where I am supposed to be when I am supposed to be there with the information needed. But at home, I have become so complacent to let Paul do everything. Maybe it’s because he isn’t the typical guy that will wear a dirty shirt because the laundry isn’t done. He doesn’t sit around and watch TV all the time. If there are dishes in the sink, he washes them and therefore I don’t have to. I’ve started to notice that I don’t do things because Paul does.

Another example (from last night), we bought food for me to take to RMH tonight. Some of it was refrigerated and we forgot to put it in the refrigerator. So, we’re both lying in bed just about to go to sleep and I say out loud with a great sigh of disgust, “Argh, we forgot to put that tub in the refrigerator…” and then I just laid there. You know why? Because I knew Paul would get up and go put it in the fridge for me. He wouldn’t lay there and wait me out. Pathetic (not Paul, me).

I took the time last night to look over my 2010 resolutions to see if I was making progress towards any of them. I’m still doing OK on them, but have quite a ways to go on most. One of my goals for this year should be to become less of a loser around the house. I’m adding it to my list. Maybe Paul and I should have a draw-a-chore out of a hat kind of thing to get us evened out.

I know if I didn’t work (and work a lot) that my house would be spotless, that I would have dinner cooked and that I would run our house like a well oiled machine single handedly. But I work, and I typically work a lot both at the office and at home, so we’re going to need to share the task. That is, if Paul and I can get our new system running smoothly.